FFFAD

Narrator: Hello Children, stress is a funny thing, a very modern thing as well.

I think it’s down to the unnecessary urgency we all seem to eagerly stamp onto our lives; before we lived in this twenty four hour ordering, next day delivery world people were far happier with their lot in life.

I suggest a return to the good old days, no shops open on Sundays and half day closing on Thursdays. Give people some time back to relax and enjoy themselves. For as we are about to see stress effects all in different ways…

 

A wide eyed rabbit is stood in front of a group of animals in a crowded room.

 

Alex: (loudly with a big grin) Gentlemen welcome to FFFAD, Forest Friends For Anarchy and Destruction

 

All of us are here for a reason, all of our reasons are different and yet they still unite us

 

Are you bored of rhetoric?

 

Tired of exhaustion?

 

Saddened with depression?

 

If you have answered yes to any or all of these questions then this is the place for you!

 

Gary Three Toes: (excitedly) Tell ‘em about the rules core…. I mean Alex

 

Alex: oh yeah … (clears throat)

 

The first rule of FFFAD Club IS

 

(dramatic pause)

 

Can we stack the chairs after we have finished, at the back of the room as its playgroup in the morning

 

The second rule of FFFAD Club is can we stack the chairs after we have … oh wait no I just read that one didn’t I?

 

The second rule of FFFAD club is no shoes or socks, someone, mentioning no names Mr. Coaltit, wore trainers last week and left black scuff marks everywhere, if it happens again we WILL be billed

 

If this is your first week at FFFAD.. Can you please go to the back and register with Snappy there, we don’t ask for a registration fee but all donations are more than welcome, the photocopying doesn’t do itself you know.

 

Right as it’s our mission to spread anarchy and destruction into people’s lives I think it’s about time for our first assignment, don’t you?

 

(Cheers from the crowd)

 

On your way out you will be given a piece of paper with a phone number on it

 

This phone number is the eviction line for “lord” Dennis in big burrow

 

His outdated hierarchic views are not welcome anymore, he is not part of my, our vision for the new world

 

Take this number and ring it as many times as you can before the lines close on Friday night, calls after the lines have closed won’t count and may still be charged, calls cost twenty five pence from a landline with fourteen pence going to charity, the cost for calls from mobiles will vary

 

Do not let anyone else see this piece of paper and after the lines have closed, eat it.

Its actually rice paper and the ink is icing so it’s not as drastic as it sounds

 

Right, I think we are done here

 

Any queries, any questions any problems?

 

Ronnie: (raised hand) Umm I ate my paper already

 

Alex: No you haven’t we haven’t dished them out yet, but bonus points for honesty champ!

 

Ok now go my pretties and do my, our bidding!

 

(the crowd start to filter out each taking a bit of paper from Calvin)

 

Narrator: Fixing so called reality TV shows for any purpose, is a pointless act as it brings more attention to them and only serves to add more false importance to them. In a world when more people vote on the telly than in the political process the age of the idiot is fast approaching.

 

Until next time children

 

Take care you

 

Alex: mmm people, I think you are forgetting the first rule of FFAD!