Happy Green Forest Tv

Narrator: Hello Children, news travels fast in happy green forest and it’s not the jungle drums that are responsible anymore…..

A toad holding a microphone, wearing a brown sports jacket and a cheap looking, ill fitting wig is stood by a door set into a grassy bank.

He is with two weasels one is holding a video camera; both are wearing black jackets with HGF-TV on the back of them.

Roger (the toad, in a loud nasal voice): Happy green forest is one of the newest additions to the ever growing list of once tranquil habitats where children could play safely unsupervised that are now danger zones where no child is safe.

Last night, straight A student Marley Cocoonson had a very lucky escape after a wicked predator tried to lure her away from her friends.

It was only her wits that saved her, who knows what this vile creature had planned for her?

Tonight we find out!

I and my team have tracked him down to this residence … let’s see what he has to say for himself.

The toad turns and starts banging on the door

Roger: (shouting and still banging on the door) Come on open up, we know you are in there, you filthy animal

The door opens and a shocked looking Aardvark with bits of ant all round his mouth, wearing a tatty brown dressing gown is revealed.

Jesus: (in a Mexican accent) what’s with all the banging eh?

Roger: (barging past) ok where is he? (Shouting) you can’t hide from us!

The weasels run in shaking the camera as they go

Jesus: What is this hide and go seek? There no one here but me hombres

Roger: A likely story … I bet you are in cahoots with him

Jesus: With who? I’m confused. Is this about the Ants? Because an anteaters got to do what an anteaters got to do you know?

Roger: (making a swiping action across his throat) Ok CUT!

The weasel stops filming and points the camera to the floor.

Jesus: (excited) Hey I know you! You the frog off the telly … can I say hello to my Mum? She loves your show you know

Roger: I’m a Toad my name is Roger Toad … the show is called the Toad report

Jesus: I don’ know about none of that, my mum she says if it looks like a frog and if it hops like a frog … it’s probably a frog

Roger: (sighs) Look we are looking for a Fox called Brian, we were told he lived here … He tried to attack a poor innocent young girl last night.

Jesus: really? That’s terrible … but nobody lives here just me and my roommate

Roger: (trying not to sound too eager) Oh you have a roommate?

Jesus: Yeah Bryn he moved in last week he’s a funny guy

Roger: Funny how?

Jesus: like a clown, you know? He make me laugh so much, this one time the other day I found him digging a hole in his room an’ I said what you doin’ an’ he said digging a hole

Roger: And what is Bryn?

Jesus: I don’ know he’s like a dog or somethin’, I don’ like putting labels on people you know?

Roger: A dog? Why would a dog be living with an Aardvark?

Jesus: The rent is cheap, sure we don’ have no real view only the school playground out the back and the noise is a bit too much, but Bryn … you know what he did?

Roger: (bored) what did he do?

Jesus: He said don’ sweat it I’ll have the back room so we swapped an’ now I got the front bedroom where the noise aint too bad so I can sleep

Roger: (interested again) Did he? Say what does this Bryn look like?

Jesus: He looks like a dog but not a big dog but not a small dog you know?

Roger: (frustrated) that makes no sense.. could you draw him?

Jesus: Oh wow man I did art at school, I haven’t painted for a while you know? I might be a bit rusty, I think I have still got some of my pictures about here somewhere

Roger: never mind can you describe him?

Jesus: Like I say he’s a dog man, you know four legs, snappy teeth an’ a tail

Roger: A Bushy tail?

Jesus: I’ve seen bushier

Roger: What colour is he?

Jesus: He sort of looks like autumn leaves you know when they have fallen and they are all crunchy but he isn’t crunchy lookin’

Roger: (mocking) did you get that boys? … Not crunchy looking

The weasels snicker

Roger: Right you have wasted enough of our time come on lads lets go ….

The Toad and the two weasels leave

Jesus: Man I gotta ring my mum tell her I’m goin’ to be on tv

Outside the house Roger and the weasles are hiding behind a bush

Roger: (whispering) Right boys we are after a fox called Brian, He has an Orange Dog called Bryn He’s so out of it on the Ants he can’t see what under that snout of his. I say we wait it out and catch “Bryn” on his way back in

The weasels nod in agreement

Roger: Right get that camera going again we’ll start afresh

Roger adjusts his wig and clears his throat

Roger: Right in 3…. 2 ……1 Action

(loud whisper) I’m here waiting for the vicious Predator known simply as … Brian

We have tracked him down, here to his home and we are going to apprehend him as soon as he shows his vile, twisted face.

It’s a dangerous task but we feel it’s our duty to put the happy back into happy green forest

An elderly Corgi wearing a red raincoat strolls past and heads for the door.

Roger: (nervous) There he is! (Shouting) Get him!

Roger jumps out of the bush followed by the weasels who are again waving the camera wildly as they run.

Roger: We have got you now Brian … no point running

Roger jumps onto the dogs back tackling him to the floor

Bryn: (in a Welsh accent) get off me who do you think you are doing?

Roger: Look he is still wearing the same jacket! The dirty …

Bryn: It’s not a jacket it’s a coat! Now get off me

Clive (the weasel without the camera) Err boss I don’t think that a fox

Roger: It’s a disguise you fool!

Roger starts pulling at Bryns fur

Bryn: oooow what are you doing now you mental frog? You keep that up and somebody is going to get a bite

Roger his wig slipping off the front of his head stops fighting the old dog.

Roger: Are you a fox?

Bryn: I think your hair is falling off, never seen a frog with hair before

Roger: (adjusting his wig) I’m a toad! Now are you a fox?

Bryn: A fox? Me a Fox? No I don’t think so I’m a Corgi

Roger: Really? And just what would a Corgi be doing living in the forest … with an Aardvark?

Bryn: Retired isn’t it, Jesus had a cheap room going and have always holidayed here so I thought why not move here

Roger: (disappointed) But what about the back bedroom … over looking the school?

Bryn: Deaf as a post aren’t I?, the noise doesn’t bother me none at all.

Roger: (chopping action across the throat) Right cut …. That’s an entire day wasted … I can’t go back with nothing again .. They’ll sack me.. We need another angle

Narrator: Freedom of press is a marvelous thing but at times dangerous, you shouldn’t believe everything you read or see on the television children, try and seek out unbiased independent news sources …

Take care you

Roger: Happy Green Forest once a haven for ordinary hard working tax paying creatures like you and me is now awash with jobless Ant addicts and immigrants …..