Narrator: Hello children, today in Happy Green Forest we meet some new feathered friends, learn the origin of an old saying and that while beauty may well be skin deep it still is the eye of the beholder.
In a corner of the waterhole a large group of birds are having a meeting; a duck with reading glasses perched on his beak is centre stage.
Drake (the duck, in a slightly nervous voice) : Thank you all for coming, Its nice to see some new faces and not quite so nice to see some of the older ones (nervous chuckle) For the new ones welcome to the Feathered League Of Collected Knowledge or … flock, yes, yes, yes you really can’t beat a good acronym can you
Ummm what we try to do here is keep a Robin Red … breast (collective groan) of things that concern us, the feathered citizens of this fine forest of ours.
We used to look after the needs of just the flight enabled members of our community but in these times of equal ops and what nots we now also cater for the handiflapped amongst us.
Oh and we also look after Coots ….
Umm, right first things first before we open the floor … as you know the happy green forest show is fast approaching and we have yet to decide on what we are contributing to it …
I know a few of the younger members don’t agree we me but I still feel the red sparrows put on a terrific show that appeals to all ages …
Wallace Woodpecker: (butting in) With all due respect Mr. speaker we put them on every single year, and while I may not exactly be the voice of youth I feel it is a time for change … I hear the Housemartins have reformed how about some musical entertainment?
Homer: ( a pigeon with a plumy voice) What about a historical fly by? My great grandfather Melchett was a carrier in the war …..
Wallace: (mimicking Homer to perfection) …And then he said but you can’t shoot me I’m just the messenger, hence the phrase don’t shoot the messenger. (back to his normal voice) Yes we know Homer you somehow manage to wrangle that story in every month. What about a beauty parade? There are some promising looking cygnets about at the moment and the other day I saw some cracking tits
Harry: (a tall thin Heron) I bet you did you sly old dog, what about young Dawn Swan? She should be back on her feet by then
Homer: I don’t know aren’t Swans a bit ….
A bit …
(looking around to see if there any present)
Common?
Harry: Common? They are right posh!
Homer: But they’re not! They like you to think they are but really look at them a bit closer and they aren’t anything special … nothing more than a bit of a rubbish goose really
Harry: This coming from a sky rat!
Drake: (shouting) Order, order! I will not have this meeting descend into petty arguments and name calling
(calmer) so the red sparrows it is then?
Does anybody have any issues they want to raise?
Calvin: (a coal tit in a Northern accent) I don’t know about anyone else but I have had enough of the squirrels emptying and breaking the feeders
(mutter of approval from various birds)
I know its coming up to winter but the feeders are put out for us not them.
Drake: This is a valid point … now there are numerous squirrel proof tables around do you all know where they are? Maybe if you use those and not rely on the feeders …
Calvin: (interrupting) A lot of those are no go areas due to the Magpies! And I don’t mean to be offensive and I’m sorry to any Magpies present but the way they all hang around in gangs always mucking about, all loud and threatening
I mean ….
I mean
Look at Cock Robin!
Drake: (interrupting) I didn’t think it was never proven who shot cock robin was it?
Now is there anything else?
Sam : ( a sparrow) I don’t know if its been mentioned but our archery club has been disbanded due to Cock Robins tragic death. The magpies may have a bad name around here but it wasn’t there fault
Drake: Thank you Sam now back to the feeders … I hope I don’t need to repeat the previous warnings about the dangers of bread do I? This of course goes double for the ground feeders ….
Homer: But its all we get in some places!
Drake: Homer …. I have seen some of your city cousins eat all sorts, try growing up on a pond and then come to me complaining about it.
Wallace: Yes, yes Drake we all know your upbringing … I don’t know why we don’t just stop relying on handouts and learn to perch on our two feet again, there are plenty of grubs about and …
Calvin: I have seen you at the nuts lad
Wallace: What? Oh no I don’t think so
Calvin: Oh I think so, over at Miggins’ place you act all bold as brass and noble but you are no better than the rest of us
Wallace: I was simply passing by and …
Calvin: Get over yourself; you love a free meal as much as the rest of us
Drake: (frustrated) Order please!
Calvin: Right, I think we’re done here lads don’t you?
Calvin gets up and leaves, the rest of the birds start to follow suit
Drake: Come of folks! It doesn’t have to be like this! Same time next month? Remember about the bread! And watch out for lead weights if you’re by the lake!
Harry: (to drake) I’m sorry chap, I know you mean well but they are just too flighty ….
Narrator: See children, harmony doesn’t come easily and there is a reason a group of ravens are called a parliament, our very own government is based upon their original idea. It is also worth noting that a gathering of crows is called a murder and the two birds are very close relations.
Remember bread is almost nutritionally void it is not just man who can not live by bread alone. Ducks like cornflakes and most garden birds adore sunflower hearts.
Take care you.
Drake: flighty! I get it now
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