Narrator: Hello children, sunset in happy green forest is a magical time, a beautiful time and sometimes a dangerous time. For even such a special place as happy green forest has to have its predators…..
In the fading light a large group of animals are playing in a clearing. Set into the surrounding bank there are doors, windows and further up chimneys poke out of the top.
Jake: (wearing an royal blue athletics vest with a matching white and royal blue headband is limbering up) : Ok James are you ready to time me?
James: (wearing a black t-shirt with RTFM in large white letters is holding a stopwatch) Ready, but I would be happier if we measured out the correct distance.
Jake : (stopping stretching) Look bro, It’s a well known fact around here I can run the one hundred metres in ten seconds, today I am going to break that record so I’ll shout go, you’ll time me and nine and half seconds later I’ll be at least One hundred …. and ten metres away. Its simple I don’t see what your problem is.
James: (frustrated) But it doesn’t work like that!
Jake: look when I say go just start timing, I know how far the one hundred metre sprint is.
James: Well how will I know when to stop timing then?
Jake: Nine and a half seconds after I say go.
James: (muttering) this is stupid
Jake: Are you ready?
James: (heavy sigh) Yeah I’m ready
Jake: (crouching) H’on your marks
(Bracing himself) Get set
(Starts running and takes at least a dozen steps) GO!
James: (clicking the stopwatch) (muttering) Idiot
Jake hurtles off and after a vague distance throws his arms up in triumph, turns and jogs back while pumping his arms in the air at an imaginary crowd.
Jake: How quick was that?
James: (bored) Nine and a half seconds.
Jake: We’ll call it an even nine, your reflexes are rubbish
(shouting) IT’S A NEW HAPPY GREEN FOREST WORLD RECORD!
Marley: (sat leaning against a tree with another raccoon, both still in school uniform, both in the same state of disarray) What youse shouting at stupid rabbit boy?
Jake: (exaggerated out of breathe panting) You …. Didn’t …see…that? I … was ……..ama…..zing.
Marley: I saw you run about like a fool
Jake: Well, whatever you two are looking at the new world record holder.
Marley: Youse think your fast then yeah?
Jake: The fastest, I just ran the one hundred metres in less than nine seconds
Marley: My cousin right, he beat you for sure, He’s a Cheetah an' he eats lil Bunnies like you for breakfast
Jake: Cheetahs don’t count they don’t live in the Forest
Marley: So youse don’t have the world record then?
Jake: look I am the fastest rabbit in this forest, I just ran the one hundred metres in a little over Eight seconds.
Marley: That don’t count for nothing lil bunny, I’m the fastest Raccoon here but you don’t here me banging on about it.
Raquel: (the other raccoon) what you saying ‘bout me?
Marley: I aint being funny Raquel like but I could beat you in a race an youse knows it.
Jake: Prove it
Marley: You what?
Jake: You think you’re so fast prove it, race each other … I’ll be the starter and James will time it … then we’ll see who is the fastest.
Marley: You joking right? Do I look like we are racing anyone?
Raquel: I don’t know Mar’ I reckon I could have you
Marley: You think so?, don’ you be giving me no lip girl
Jake: I think you are scared
Marley(standing and squaring up to Jake): I don’ care what no bunny thinks of me (right in his face) You hear me? (stepping back)
Come on Raquel lets get out of here, this sweaty lil bunny is starting to stink the place up
The two raccoons start to walk off away from the clearing arm in arm.
As they start to walk into the forest a dapper looking fox in a red hunting jacket and white gloves, his whiskers smoothed so as to resemble a wispy moustache sidles out from behind a tree.
Brian (in a smooth upper class voice) : Well good evening ladies and what a pleasure it is to see you
Marley: (shouting, over the top cheery) Ok Dad we are coming now!
Brian: Oh I don’t think so, you are a long way from home Marley, and Daddy is a lot further away isn’t he?
Marley: How you know my name?
Brian: How DO I know your name? Let’s just say I have watched you for quite a while my child.
Raquel: You don’t want me no though? Do you?
Brian: Raquel, it is Raquel isn’t it? (lick of the lips) You are very much an added bonus, so yes your presence is very much required as well.
The Raccoons turn as if to make a run for it
Brian: Oh please ladies, don’t even think it, I am much too fast for you and that would be awfully undignified for all of us.
Marley: I bet you aint all that fast
Brian: Ooh I think I’m quite fast enough to catch you both without even breaking a sweat
Marley: Well yeah (duh) but I bet you aint as fast as jakey, he’s well fast man
Raquel: Yeah man, he’s like … POW and he’s gone, you’d never catch him
Brian: Are you offering up your friend to take your place? That’s very cruel you know
Marley: No way man I was just saying like, he is way too quick for you
Brian: Don’t try and weasel out of this I am a fox, being weasely is my nature
Marley: That’s funny I know a foxy weasel
Brian: Yes quite the rib tickler that one, now where were we? (lick of the lips)
Marley: We was saying how you are too old and slow for Jakey
Brian (getting annoyed); just who is this … Jakey?
Marley: He has just set the world record for the hundred metre sprint it was like Seven and a half seconds
Brian: Somehow I doubt that
Marley: Straight up man you couldn’t catch him even if he gave you a head start.
Raquel: POW ... (looking around)(shocked face) where'd he go?
Brian (annoyed) : Really? And just where is this superhuman flash-esque rabbit?
Marley: Back (nodding her head) there in the clearing
Brian:(angry) You two come with me, we’ll settle this once and for all.
The fox frog marches the Raccoons back to the clearing.
Brian: Right where is he?
Marley: That’s him over there innit, (screaming at the top of her voice) JAAAAKE!
The entire clearing comes to a standstill and Jake and James who are still arguing over the timing issues both turn in unison to look at the trio on the other side of the clearing.
Jake (shouting): what do YOU want?
Marley (shouting): Come over here a minute will ya?
Jake (shouting): Who’s that you are with?
Marley (shouting): He’s nobody really ….
Brian (calmly): Can we stop with the shouting please
Brian walks the girls over to the two rabbits.
Brian: Well Marley aren’t you going to introduce us?
Marley (fake posh voice): Jake, James this is Brian and he thinks he could beat you in a race, Brian this is Jake the fastest runner in the world and his brother James the official timekeeper.
Jake: Think you’re quick then do ya?
Brian: Oh I’m quick enough for you little one, you know I was expecting someone … well bigger really. I knew a Hare once who liked to race.. He thought he was the fastest as well, got beat by a tortoise in the end, such a tragic downfall.
Jake: pfft beaten by a Tortoise what a lamer, so you want to race old man or what?
Brian: What is it with you kids? I am not that much older than you!
Jake: Whatever dude, how far you want to go? I should warn you I hold the current world record for the hundred metres … Seven and a half seconds.
Brian: I had heard.. I’m more of a Two hundred metre man myself … need that little bit more to get going see.
Jake: That’s good for me, if anything the hundred is too short I’m just about getting to full speed when its time to stop.
Brian: Right shall we get this over and done with then?
Jake: What are the stakes?
Brian: Pardon?
Jake: You obviously fancy your chances so why don’t we make this a little more interesting
Brian: Well how about this… I win I eat you and your friends
Jake: (gulps) And when I win?
Brian: That’s not going to happen little one but ok if you win I’ll leave you all alone … for now
Jake: sounds good to me … right you ready James?
James: What for?
Jake: To time me, I’m going to set the record for the two hundred now while I am beating this old man
James: Shall I go get the trundle wheel?
Brian: What? Why?
James: So we can measure out the track
Brian: Look I am getting tired ..
Marley: I bet … its your age innit..
Raquel: Time for a nap is it granddad?
Brian (angrily): look we’ll call it from here (draws a line in the ground) to the edge of the clearing down there
Jake (stretching) Sounds good to me, you ready?
Brian: Yes quite, quite ready.
Jake: (crouching) Right H’on your marks
(bracing) SET
GO!
Brian rockets off into the distance and just as Jake is about to start running, Marley sticks her leg out tripping him up.
Jake: (rolling around on the floor holding his leg) What did you do that for!
Brian is now at the other of end of the clearing
Brian: (to himself,a little out of breathe) Right .... that’s ..... THAT dealt with now for some refreshment. (lick of the lips)
Brian turns around and looks at his prey at the other end of the clearing
Brian: (to himself, shaking his head) no fool like an old fool
Marley: (shouting) WHAT YOU DOIN’ DOWN THERE OLD MAN?
Brian: (shouting and angry walking towards the children) Look I won fair and square! Now come here!
Marley: (shouting) You’ll have to catch us first granddad! (giggling) Leg it!
Brian breaks into a run back towards them
Everybody on the clearing scatters into the houses.
Brian: (pulling up and holding his leg) ow ow ow ow cramp,cramp,cramp,cramp,
Brian, humiliated turns and limps off into the forest.
Narrator: See children if Brian had done his warm up stretches maybe things would have turned out differently.
Exercise is important and warming up properly even more so.
You also have to be careful of strangers; there are some nasty people around even here in Happy Green Forest.
Take Care You.
Brian: Ooooh It’s a deep burn.
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